Medicine For the Uninsured

I have internet induced hypochondria. Cyberchondria.

I google symptoms of my own creation and come up with illnesses that cannot be verified through medical assessment. I have been self diagnosed with premenstrual dysphoric disorder, irritable bowel syndrome, diabetes, chronic fatigue syndrome, and restless leg syndrome to name a few. I don’t stop with fingering the problem, I go on to self prescribing medicines and remedies. Then I go a step further and look up the side effects to said treatments so that I can research how to cure that. It’s an exhausting and expensive cycle.

It doesn’t make for happy interactions with my doctor. My twenty-minute appointment sometimes take forty minutes as the professional tries to explain to me why my diagnosis is wrong and why I do not need a certain prescription. Nobody appreciates being told how to do their job. My gynecologist has a great method of dealing with my eccentricities.

She ignores it.

I haven’t visited the doctor about my suspicions lately, which got me thinking, which got me researching. Actually, I haven’t googled any symptoms, not since May. Ironically, I met my health insurance deductible that same month. That means every medical visit and prescription is covered 100% by my carrier. I haven’t needed to validate a medical theory since. When I was paying out-of-pocket, I was perched in the waiting room two maybe three times a month, but now that I could go whenever…nothing.


It’s like when you don’t have a dime to your name, there are a million things you want to purchase but when you’ve got a pocket full of money, there’s nothing to buy. When you’re fifteen and a few months away from getting your driver’s license, there are a million places you want to drive to but when you’re behind the wheel, there’s nowhere to go (except of course to the grocery store for your mother or to pick up your younger brother from football practice). When it’s Friday night and your kids are home, there are a million reasons you could use a sitter but when you’ve got a sitter, there’s nothing to do.

I’m sure there is some scientific theory behind this idea. I’m not versed in it.

I don’t google theories.


2 thoughts on “Medicine For the Uninsured

  1. Pingback: Lost In The Male | palmer bennett

  2. What about when your horny and can’t find someone…anyone to rotate your tires but when they’re are a couple of men chomping at the bit to give you a tune up, none of them seem to get your engine to turnover. Baffling, plain baffling.

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