Gambling With Genetics

The first chapter book I remember reading is Are You There God?  It’s Me, Margaret by Judy Blume. I was in the sixth grade like the main character and experiencing many of the situations addressed in the book. In particular, I was struggling with being an eleven year old girl in an eleven year old boy’s body. I had no shape, no hips and most importantly…no breast.

Be careful what you wish for…

In the book Margaret does a series of bust-boosting exercises to which she chants “I must, I must, I must increase my bust!” I did those exercises every night for a year. They worked. Boy, did they work. In addition to my physical ritual, my friends and I also used a number of creams and home remedies to augment our prepubescent bosom. Once we began a candy selling business to raise enough money to purchase a jar of Mrs. B’s Bust Enhancer from the back of a Jet magazine. We mailed cash. We never got the product.

Be careful what you wish for…                                          

By high school my hard work had kicked in full swing. I was wearing a bra size that made grown women envious and grown men turn their heads. I received more attention than any ninth grader needed from boys and men alike. No longer was I teased about my unfulfilled shirts when I visited my voluptuous cousins down south. I had arrived. They had arrived. But so had a few things I had not considered. I couldn’t fit nicely into the cute shirts my girlfriends were wearing, which made me a fashion outcast. At fourteen, being any type of outcast brings insecurities.

By college I hated those saddlebags. My back hurt. My shoulders ached. My knees cracked (hey, I blamed everything on them). I couldn’t run without suffering a concussion of tremendous proportion due to a TKO from a left or a right bounce. I tried to hide my astronomical appendages with a bra, a sports bra and a fitted tank top all at once and under a t-shirt, a button up shirt and a sweater. I hated the summer. My monstrous mammilla exaggerated the simplest of tasks and I despised Margaret and those drills.

Why are we always trying to fix things when in truth, they were just fine the way they were? We were just fine the way we were, the twins and I. In an age where augmentation and amplification are prevalent, beware of degradation and mutilation but most importantly, be careful what you wish for.


One thought on “Gambling With Genetics

  1. When I got this email notification, I had to quickly come and read it! THAT WAS MY FAVORITE BOOK! I’ve always loved reading and out of all the hundreds of thousands of books I’ve probably read…that is THE ONE that I will always remember both the title, author and that wonderful little tidbit in the book! lol

    Being one of your friends back then, I’ll have to say that you were not a fashion outcast (I have a few pics where our original crew was wearing the same exact thing! lol) because then that would have meant all of us were! lol You were then and still are a beautifully strong woman with what I’m sure are exceptional twins! lol

    TWO THUMBS UP ON THIS ONE! I’m still laughing at that book!!!!! lol

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