I was sitting on my bed this evening, trying to formalize my ideas on tonight’s post. Typically, I wait and write when I’m inspired to do so, but seeing as how my traffic was low today, I need to increase momentum. It was after starting and deleting text three different times that I heard the argument pursue. I called down to the floor below half frustrated over my inability to create and half frustrated that I rewarded my offspring with an hour on the PS3 and it resulted in an argument.
Note to self: Stick to the rules-No video games on school nights!
While I’m still not certain what the fight was over, at some point the older hit the younger in the eye and the younger hit the older in the nose. There they stood in front of me, hands cupped over their respective injuries, explaining through tears. I dismissively listened and sent them both to take showers and get ready for bed.
As I tucked them in and kissed them both good night the older made no motion of affection. After some prodding, he explained that he was upset with me. A year ago, I caught him beating up his little brother and he felt like ever since that day I always assumed he was the culprit and never took his side.
Wow. I was amazed at how well he articulated how he felt and ashamed at how true his perception was. I admitted to him that I had been unfair and with sincere apology I asked his forgiveness. I sat back on my bed thinking of all the times I had done something wrong and felt like I was being convicted of those wrongs over and over again. I thought about how other’s experiences with my own transgressions made them quick to judge me while dismissing my case.
I confessed to my adoring children that I am not the perfect mother they wish me to be. I acknowledged that I make mistakes and often times I will go about this parenting thing wrong. I also explained that in no way do I want them to feel judged by me; they will get enough of that outside the safety and security of our home.
Tonight I learned to forgive and in a way, I also learned to forget.
Note to reader: Feel free to send some traffic my way. Your support is appreciated.