Cup A Joe


Photo by JElite Photography

I’ve waited months to write this article. Since the conception of this space to share my expertise on my own ideas, I have prepared for this post. I always imagined calling it Happy Mother’s Day, but it is not Mother’s Day. It is Father’s Day and I have but one thing to say to that…

I am not a father!

I appreciate the text messages, telephone calls, Facebook tags and the like wishing me well over the years with “for the single moms holding it down and playing both roles, Happy Daddy’s Day.” I understand the thought behind your sentiment but there is a fallacy in your expression…

I ain’t no damn daddy!

I am a mother. I am a woman. I am a lady (why can’t you say that without a Shanaynay accent). My sons have a father. I do not now, nor have I ever been a father and unfortunately for the two little boys under my care, as great as I am, I cannot fake that. I know what it means to nurture a living being in my womb. I know what it sounds like to hear that first cry. I know how it feels to nourish an infant with my bosom (and FYI, no matter what they say about how good it is for the baby-it hurts like hell).

I am a mother.

Mother & son-ballin' by JElite Photography

I don’t know how to teach sons to grow into men. I cannot fathom the spirit of brotherhood. I have no idea what it means to be the paternal member of the household. I misrepresent concepts like hollerin’ at girls, developing swagga, marking territory, pissing standing up or hocking up phlegm. Sorry to burst your bubbles out there but I have my limitations-fatherhood happens to be one of them.

I know there are many women who profess to be momma and daddy, but I am not disillusioned. I completely comprehend the concept behind the differences behind males and females, and there are significant differences beyond the physical. I get that you are holding things down in the absence of your child’s father, but you are holding it down as a mother, don’t get it twisted. You are a single parent, specifically, of the maternal order. You are not a father, please stop pretending to be both and stop discounting the need for male (real male) role models in the lives of our children.

I’m thankful for what keeps me going, and it’s not just my cup a joe, it’s also my cup a joe. My daddy, Joe, gets that I am a mom, a real mom, a girly mom, a take-a-book-into-a-NBA-game-and-look-up-once-to-ask-did-we-get-a-touchdown-kinda-mom, and he acknowledges that my sons need regular influences, fatherly influences. He steps in without request and handles the paternal roles placing us in an informal co-parenting relationship. 

My dad, always the character...

I love that my sons can call Joe and ask “why does one testicle hang lower than the other?” and sit locked in the bathroom, as if security locks out sound so I cannot hear the answers. I love that they can send him a secret text after one of my “Michelle Obama dinners” that is followed up with a rib dinner delivery as they sit in front of a game or WWE exhibition and pig out on meat with a side of meat and wash that down with a cup of sauce. Sure these are questions I could answer, things I could do, but I am not a father and I just don’t get it.

Tomorrow while I’m boarding an early flight with what is sure to be my second cup a joe in hand, my boys will be basking in the beginning of their ten-day stay with their cup a joe and for that I am happy.

Happy Father’s Day to all the father’s out there…

…and to all the mothers out there holding it down as a single parent, have a great day.

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14 thoughts on “Cup A Joe

  1. Shannon, I am just now reading this….and agree whole-heartedly 5000%!!! Spot on! You are blessed to have your dad in your sons’ lives. Sn:Mr. Palmer has always been the coolest kat I know!

    p.s. -i’m your newest blog fan 🙂

  2. Love your blog Shannon. You are real and straight to the point and so honest that’s the reason why it is so interesting. Keep up the good work. Your photographer is very good.

  3. Yes, i agree you are not a man and you cannot think like a man, you are a beautiful woman and you are my , CUP A SHANNON and i will always love you for that.

  4. I love your writings. You truly have a gift and you speak directly from the heart. This is why your writing is so very good. Anyone can write but when you speak from the heart in your writing this makes the difference. keep up the writing. I use mi writing as a form of healing for me. I have yet to move it from journals to blogs. it is in the making. Thanks for being an inspiration to me. miss and love you guys,
    Carol

  5. Hey Sissy!
    I love, love, love your work. Always appropriately articulated! The pictures are great. Your sons are so handsome. I look forward to seeing you soon.
    Keep on writing! You’ve got the gift.

    Love you,
    Phyllis

    • I so appreciate your encouragement Sissy. JElite Photography did an amazing job with this ole’ girl! I’ve just landed on Texas soil and boy is it HOT! Inhaler. Check. Water. Check. Exasperated look cause I can’t believe I did this for five summers. Check. Check. Check. See you soon.

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