Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooooo I Got A Mulattotude

Dress by Fab'rik. Photo by JElite Photography

I am not a fan of Miss Patti Labelle. Staring at your computer screen with big, bugged out eyes will not change that fact. I’ll wait while you get yourself together from the shock of my revelation. It’s true. I’m not. I find nothing pleasurable in all of the hooping and hollering, rolling around on the ground screaming and screeching like you aint got an ounce of sense.

She gets on my nerves.

But…there’s something about New Attitude that’s got my hips swinging and lips singing here lately. “Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooo Ooooo I got a mulattotude!” That’s right! I got a new attitude and it’s all because of my mulattotude. Have you ever experienced the freedom the comes in finding yourself, your sanity, your purpose, your authenticity? I am there.

My new attitude needed a new look.

  1. In search of fresh wardrobing, singular not plural because I ain’t quite got it like that, I happened upon Fab’rik of Raleigh where Kelsey was phenomenal in finding the perfect reflection of my colorful personality.
  2. On to hair and make up with Flawless Faces of Alnita of the Tim Johnson Salon because runway diva extraordinaire and BFF, Tekora Scruggs insisted that she was

    Make up by Flawless Faces by Alnita, Photography by J.Elite

    the go-to artist for print designs. She is a facial genius!

  3. Finally, I made my way to my professional photo shoot with Jamal and Carmela of J.Elite Photography. I was prepared to be impressed, but not amazed. They were so good that I scheduled a non-traditional family photo shoot a week later.

Kelsey, Alnita, Jamal and Carmela turned this pumpkin into a crystal carriage and when midnight struck, I was still glowing from my new look and new attitude. If you’re considering making a memory, putting your best face forward or dressing to impress, let my supreme team make you over and tell ’em a very happy customer sent ya!

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I Remember Me

I remember me, starting at myself
See these same two eyes, see these same two feet
I remember you, you who I used to be
You still look the same, but you don’t hurt like me
Look at my reflection, somewhere my affection
Disappeared, isn’t here, nothing left to say
Memories they fading, but I’m the one who makes them
But I keep the love close to enough to say

What if this life is all that we’re given
We just can’t stop living, scared of what we see
‘Cuz in this world, anything can hurt you
They push you, then forget you
Stole my history

But I remember me, I remember me

It don’t matter where I go, what I’m told, now you know
I remember me, I remember me
Even if I say goodbye, start to cry, do or die
I remember me

I tell you what my name is
And ain’t nothing gonna change it
‘Cuz what you are is what you are
Even if your memory’s flawed
I go to places, trying to find familiar faces
They don’t show, but I still know
They don’t have to look for me
I dream about, I dream about
The place where all the broken pieces fit together

‘Cuz in this world, anything can hurt you                                                                                                                                                  They push you, then forget you
And stole my history

But I remember me, I remember me
It don’t matter where I go, what I’m told, now you know
I remember me, I remember me
Even if I say goodbye, start to cry, do or die
I remember me

Now all that’s left of these hands, this breathe
I’ve said goodbye to so many things that tears wont cry
And I take this pain, this joy, and rain
‘Cuz all that matters now is
In this life anything can hurt you
Push you, then forget you
Erase your history

But I remember me, I remember me
I remember me, I remember me
Even if I say goodbye, start to cry, do or die                                                                                                                                                  I remember me

I remember me, oh whoa
I remember me, I tell you what my name
I tell you what my name is
Do or die

Every hero has to have theme music, according to John Slade in I’m Gonna Git You Sucka. I would like to thank Jennifer Hudson for providing me with mine. I am a hero. I have superhuman strength and courage which has allowed me to transform into a new creature, a better being. The lyrics above are those of my theme song, my swan song.

See, the woman you see, I see, through these words in 3-D is not the girl that always was. I remember her. Sometimes I hear her cries, her laughter. Other times, I see her pain, her smile. At times, I feel the warmth of her love and the chill of her hurt. Occasionally, I will forget the woman before me today but I always remember the girl of yesterday because she birthed the woman of today.

I remember me plays in this act of my life and I look forward to what plays in the next scene.

The Rhythm In My Blues

Attention Listeners: there are far too many links in this post, to this I confess and acknowledge that it is in poor taste to blog in this fashion, but I’ve been known to commit a fashion faux pas or two in my day…

Sunday, I rode down I-40 with the sunroof open, enjoying the warmth of the 74 degrees. My curls wildly blew with the force of the wind at 74 miles per hour. My voice stretched and strained to meet Carrie on every note and all that mattered in those 7.4 miles was that I was an angry, country girl who knew how to swing a bat to get some revenge!

 

Before He Cheats does something to me. It changes me from being socially awkward around strangers to singing karaoke on a ship in the middle of the Atlantic. I transform from a forgiving woman to a take-no-crap vigilante. I like the Carrie Underwood inspired me, for all of 3 minutes and 20 seconds but then I digress.

My current self sings a medley of Nine to Five, To Zion and I Will Survive but in truth you gotta’ mix in a little wit and sarcasm from Lily Allen to get the total picture. Sometimes I get a small glimpse into the old me, like when I’m sitting at my desk and Biggie Smalls or Lil’ Kim circa 2000 comes on my Pandora “College Days” station. WARNING: Clicking these links could visually and/or audibly contaminate your wholesome nature, for this I hold no responsibility.

Then there’s the very old me who used to sing Greatest Love Of All and Girls Just Want To Have Fun into a hairbrush in the hall bathroom.

At other times, I feel the strong, confident, feminist me I know I am meant to be, like when I Am Woman graces the airwaves and reminds me to unite in the fight of sisterhood. But then I Need Love comes on and all that She-Ra talk is muted by images of the sexy, chivalrous, lip-licking L.L.

Saturday mornings, with mop in hand, I enjoy drowning out the sound of the washing machine with 80’s hits like Before I Let Go and I Wonder If I Take You Home. But I ain’t gonna lie cause on Saturday nights, I might just be Cleanup Woman at the local Hole In The Wall …don’t judge me, or my $3 fish plate I got on the way out.

The energy of a live performance of local band Jus Once (featuring my dear friend Ron “Kitty” White) with their gogo fusion style or Shana Tucker and her collaboration of eclectic musicians is both infectious and outrageous. Whether you succumb to their style or not, you cannot deny the blend of harmonic accompaniment and melodic voices and it’s dynamic influence on the movement of your body.

With all of these great musical memories, the rhythm that erupts in my soul and interrupts my blues is best experienced in the presence of a community of people who have the strength to sustain and the mercy to maintain, a people who pour out their soul in spiritual hymns like I Really Love The Lord, and God Is Trying To Tell Somebody.

Thank you for listening to WSPB where the blues meets the blog (in my Ted Williams voice)…

Sole Mates and Soul Mates

Few things compare to the exhilarating feeling of finding the perfect pair of shoes! Well, maybe finding them in your exact size!! Wait, and at 50% off!!! Euphoria erupts when you get home and discover that it is the perfect color for the dress you bought last week because it embraced every inch of your curvaceous silhouette without revealing the effects of overindulgence in everything from chocolate cookies to chocolate cake (and all things chocolate in between). The fact that you paid twice your allotted budget on the garment that is sure to turn this first date into your first proposal matters not compared to its ability to give an illusion of perfection.

Perfect hair. Perfect scent. Perfect make-up (but not so much as to look fake). Perfect cleavage and now…perfect pumps.

Two hours later, your heels are blistered and your toes are numb as you try to mask the pain in your “dogs” who are barking up something terrible. That perfect smile now looks like a sign of lactose intolerance and the pain on your face is mistakenly translated into rejection. He awkwardly searches for a way to discreetly check for the body odor that has offended you. Little does he know…you are in the process of committing shoeicide.

Why can’t those perfect 5” ring-wranglers feel as good as a pair of nude, Velcro strapped, support shoes? You know the ones with the rubber sole that can be found in abundance at your local Piccadilly or K & W during the early bird special hours. Why is comfort so ugly? And why is pretty so murderous? Before you get your panties in a bunch, ugly and comfortable shoes are great-if that’s what you like and kudos to you for being the one person on earth who actually buys them. But me no likey!

You have a better chance at finding your soul mate than finding your sole mate.

That’s what I discovered this weekend, when after just a few minutes of dancing, I discovered I had been wearing my two-hour pumps for three hours.* Ache set in but the joy on my soul mate’s face pushed me past the pain and two hours later, we were still grooving. That’s what soul mates are all about. When you find someone who connects to your soul spiritually, intellectually, culturally, physically and socially, you love them too much to let a little bunion end the fun.

I found my soul mate, but not in the way one may think. Not in that romantical love that leads to matrimonial union but in that unconditional love that binds two girlfriends at their heart and core and neither miles nor years can sever the union. For clarification, I don’t use physically to describe a sexual relationship (don’t get it twisted) but a relationship where one’s experiences with body image and body issues are that of the other.

My twin soul and I are as connected as conjoined Siamese cats and for that, I would wear nude, Velcro strapped, support shoes over a pair of come-get-me-stilettos any day!

*You have to find the mathematical calculation to maximize wear and minimize pain. For example, if you can only get 5 hours in a particular pair of leather pumps and you need to wear them for 8 hours, 4.5 hours should include sitting (slightly lift the back of the heel off the foot to relieve pressure but do not-I repeat- DO NOT take the shoe off) and only 22% of the day should involve walking at a mild pace, eliminate all steps and rub a numbing agent on at 4 hours. This method will have to be tweaked if the material is cloth or synthetic and if the shoe is bright red, forego the math cause you’re hot!